Saturday, August 20, 2005

"Saudade"



Today I found myself listening to soul music and watching out my bedroom window at an hilariously bright summer day without even a glance of guilt in my mind.

Everytime I think how none of this ever made sense I can't help but to laugh inside.

Finally I stopped feeling weak. but I don't feel strong either. I wonder if this is okay... Not feeling "not so good" for a little while.

Went downstairs for a cup of coffe and got an instant safety in that strong warm drink. Someone should have told me that we must always take some time to enjoy little pleasures like this without worrying and trying to find out how we could have spent it on something else. Because that something is usually as usefull as it is boring.

Though all I want to do is pick up the phone and talk to you I know I won't do it... Not again... You just wouldn't understand... You never did and you'll never do. It's just how things are and people are not meant to be changed... At least not for me!

So I'll just get back to my useful and boring something that has been keeping me in a peaceful state of mind. And I'll just wait patiently for the night as I always seem to do.
No one would say I'm home now more than I ever been.

It's funny how we discover peace when things end. Comfort in a warm and brief goodbye. Joy in the emptiness of departure.

I will miss him more than I'm willing to admit! I will miss him as I rarely miss anyone. I will miss his way of making me feel like a little child... So special and cared for!
I wish I thanked him in a more explicit way but I guess somethings have no need for empty words. And somethings are not meant to be said.
It's funny though... How it only took a few moments of pure friendship and a strong sincere hug on the rightest moment!

I'll get back then. To the music... To my ordinary life hopping someday we'll meet again!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Seven Deadly Sins :: by Marta Dawig ::


Comments by ~blackeri

The theme:

Second of the Seven Deadly Sins serie.

"Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or
situation"


Personally I think envy means much more than just a wish to have something
someone else has. To me, it means also ACTING AGAINST that person,
"revenging" in a way, trying to take the "object of our desire" away from
them, or backstabbing them in some way etc.
That is why myself I consider envy the "heaviest" sin of all seven.

symbolism:
- snake - as I mentioned, envy, to me, is connected with cunning and doing
something behind one's back :)

- poison ivy leaf in the frame (and the column)- maybe just a word play, but
I always connected ivy with destruction of some sort... Growing using a
different object as a "support"... Something like that ;]

- color green - i guess it needs no comment :P

Sigh!!



I strived only for freedom... Still you couldn't let me go!

Charade

Oh the charade! It never ended! Oh but we had fun!

Silent painful melodies echoed into the darkest night. The puppets' strings were pulled... Back and forth... Back and forth...
We went round and round and round... Till our senses were no more and the sadistic seasickness was all there was to be!

Lust and darkness and rubber dolls.

You always felt me beside you even when you were gone. And you were always gone long enough for me to panic at the sight of you hanging over me in ecstasy.

Your hands touched me like no other's. And your tongue burnt the light that still watched over me.

How could I dare to love you? There'll never be caring sentiments in such a strong passion.
You ruled me... I ruled your world...

Mirroir of Dreams

The mirror was slashed by a wrong side of me, my spirit in trance by all the chaotic visions of endearment. I seldom like what I see...
In its cutting pieces I saw such butchery and such horror one could just imagine.

Oh God this images!! How I wish I could silent them away with the next break of a new dawn.



- "Dear, how can you be so utterly sad?"
- "I just smile..."