Illusions

I see all this but it can't touch me. It's an illusion...
It seems like we're drawing ourselves on some sort of canvas. A water painting... Slowly fading....
The more I try to rationalize the less I perceive. That's just how it is!
They tell me I have to live in reality. I hate their reality... For it is so different from mine!
In my hands I hold the key to freedom. Why am I so afraid to use it? Why is it so hard to smile... and just let go?
It's like a disease, this ability to dream... So intense! It slowly kills you as a drug, making you believe you can leave in its arms and... let go!

Hold it... and let you go...
Fail with it... and let you go....

I had to chance to get out... Did I?
They gave me that chance... Did they?
I could have been someone... Ain't I?
It could have meant something... doesn't it?

So how can you define what's real and what's not? If you don't know who it is that cry inside this soul and you can't even decide if I deserve your appreciation?

I dress in black even when I'm strong! I shoot the pain even when I am weak! I fight the 'till it hurts no more. And until it is over I feel naked upon the mere sight of a simple moon reflecting my fears.
And the world twirls around with only a thought of it. It becomes hollow as a vacant room in my secret mansion. And the rain stops as I wish it to.

I'm so tired! Need to rest...
Need eternity as a wild animal needs to feed...
I need freedom...
I'm dying... Can't you see I'm dying?