My old friend

My old friend comes to me
when he's lonely.
My lonesome friend finds me...
himself... Solely!

He thinks I'm crazy, my crazy friend.
To my birth he tries to attend!

A new friend now I have... So much like
my oldest friend! So wrong done! And said!
But not so easily laid!

Let me dream forever with a world of mine... I'm getting tired of this one... Wouldn't it be fair? Couldn't we find peace of mind in our own way?

A world with a mind in the hands of mindless beings! It's so unfair!

I still can't believe my soul needs a body to endure. For I feel them so distinct and so apart! Is it possible for them to be as one if they possess such opposite needs?

We are all but mixes of quantum states... Why must we strive so hard for freedom? Why is it always wrong when it fits as natural?

You say to me it is an illusion? This things I touch, this things I smell, this things I see... This things, you say, are happening anywhere else but my head?
Too many times I tried to tell you... Too many times I was astray... Too many times... Reality is a mere sense we give to things we can't understand nor live with...

You think we will save ourselves from chaos? I see it! I see it! Noone believes! Noone cares!

Nothing

Some find peace...

Some are frantic...

Are you sure this means something?

Bug

I thought I saw a bug... It's here...

Buzzing in my mind... Bzz Bzz Bzz.... About the wicked ways of the world...

Skeptical order runs this caos... Ignorance would be bliss as for poison doesn't work any more...

Rats, rats all over, chewing my bed! Can't fall awake anymore!

Rimes and it can't leave me alone... I'm so alone...

If I pull this trigger would it happen? Or is it just a dream? Hurts to try...

Plane

I think of you...
I do...
When you're gone.

This wound of glass magnifies the pain...
Breaks away the rain...

Head thrown in fury of weird thoughts
by this coincidence...
Hiding in magnificence.

I bite the days as they were rubber done,
Trying not to fall asleep...
For when the night comes
I know that my slumber is gone...

I would try to explain...
But it's still too plain!

Simple Things

I like simple things...

Absent minded details that will always come our ways, simple feelings that hurt too deep, simple thoughts of simple questions for which the answer is simply obvious!

Oh simple things don't always come to this rather complicated mind!

Understand

You can't understand me...

You can't understand that it is not about surviving. It's about feeling! Hard enough to not know exactly where it hurts! So completely that it becames the whole of you!

How thin is the dark line that separates love from obsession?

When will you understand that you have been blind? How come you are so worried about turning on the light that I forgot to unravel? It is the darkness inside my soul that guides me! Where reason cannot find it's way and the uglyness of the world cannot make my eyes burst in tears that do not allow me to see!

Take that away from me and you might as well kill me!

Dream

I woke up today with this dream in my head. A dream I dreamt in another life.

Lonely as always I reached out for you in my bed as if I didn't know I wasn't suppose to find you there.
It made me angry and desperate!

In my vision you were resigning yourself to death before my own eyes and I was unable to move... As though it was meant to be! As if you had won in your search for holiness!

But the pain was so real I wasn't even sure it was just fantasy!

Moonlight filling the room where I was standing! Clouds drawing bloody tears in the sky... An empty wardrobe... an infrared connection vanished like vapor... And then there was nothing but me beside your disembowelled body.

Obvious

How dare you take loneliness away from me? Who are you to disturb my peaceful realm and take away my calmness? I was my own queen until you came!

You made me loose conscience again, float away in the sea of bright nights... You know how I hate them! How I hate light!

This concise pain... Strict, absolute... Obsolete!

So, don't go right now, stay a while... Stay with me until I'm strong again!

Love is a devil that lurks in the obscenity of the fluids that are shared in a simple and candid kiss! Or is it lust? It's not easy to follow a rational course of thought in this hell!

Sun is rising! I must sleep now!

Clarification

It's not just darkness in my soul


It's mostly absence of light

The End...

Linked to sorrow I'll never heal.

Ignorance, inconsistence, betrayal.. hate and pain... The bliss of the undead!
A storie to be told, always the begining... It ended like this...

Can't you see?
I ended... It ended... Like this...

It ended in me!! Like me!!
And I was never me!!

Desejo

Amo-te porque és sagrado, perfeito...
Amo-te por todas as curvas sublimes
Que posso desenhar em teu peito...
Amo teus olhos loucos e firmes!

Amo teus requintes de génio...
Amo teus caprichos de criança...
Amo tua indiferente segurança!

Amo teu pensamento idóneo,
Amo teu sorriso de demónio...
Amo tudo o que és e eu quero ser,
Amo-te por tudo o que não me deixas ver!

Amo-te... Nada mais...
Amo teus instintos animais...
Amo todo o teu engenho!
Amo-te com tudo o que tenho!

Amo tua certeza, tua inconstância,
O terror que inspiras quando te chateio,
O teu espírito frio, sem instância,
Sem mesericórdia, sem receio!

Inverno

A chuva que cai lá fora,
Como se para onde ir não tivesse,
Entra como se porta não houvesse,
E depressa se vai embora.

Anjos caídos do céu em brasa,
Ardem no barro frio do chão,
Demónio... De tentação...
A minha alma... A tua casa...

Choro húmido e lânguido.
Eco em mim como gritos de lava
De um vulcão que só eu sonhava.
Julgam-me sem juiz ou arguido!

Não te vás doce inverno,
Dilacera minha alma...
Corta-me em pedaços com tua calma...
Deixa-me ser cinza de teu inferno!

Cansaço

O vento lá fora geme e soluça
Pela gente que se arrasta nas ruas...
Correntes de uma existência atrasada,
O peso da alma é tanto que arrasa!
Pudera eu encontrar o caminho para casa!
Vagueio por ruelas de vida degradada,
Carreiros (que só eu conheço) de casas nuas,
Terra morta... Em sapatos de camurça...

Terei que ficar por aqui... menos mal...
Parece que o cansaço me venceu afinal!

Feelings in an envelope

Words are just words... And I will not say them no more... I chose my silence as I hold the anger inside...
Hatred... Indifferent letters that altogether mean too much! It should be no more than phonetics... Oh but it is not! It really is more! And that is what bothers me...

Oh Dreams, they die when they ought to be forgotten! Will you not leave me soon enough? There is no point in all of this pretension!

I created a world that trapped me in. I would be lying if I said that I tried to escape!

You thought you could save me... Indeed...
What you could not understand is that you can only save one who wants to be saved!

I will stay here in darkness... I am so sorry...

Promise

I've been this lonely since I was a little girl. I always had lots of friends around me but my house was always empty. Like I was...

I created you to fill that gap that existed between me and my other selves. You were the only one who could reach me... You existed as long as I wanted... And when you would leave you wouldn't care to say goodbye...

I would spend hours and hours whispering stories to you that were supposed to be mine. But it were your tales of blood, flesh and pain that pleased me the most.

I grew up to hate you and all the things you represented, that side of me that I shied away from the harsh world I lived in... The human side, the flaws I wished gone, the feelings of greater darkness that I didn't seem to care about... The shadows... All the things I loved...

At this point I can say you are more me than I will ever be... And I won't loose you again!

Felt it...

Felt it inside like a bullet...

It penetrated my skin as if it wasn't even there at all. My veins blasted with the impact. I was in shock.

Yesterday I could tell the difference... I could believe... Now it's just confusing images of it in my head!

I don't own my mind anymore, though it's hard to tell how it got away!

Eco

Silêncio, eco profundo...
De uma palavra imprevista.

Ingénua fusão do mundo
Com a realidade restrita
O eterno mito...
Do suspiro que se evita...

E depois a escuridão
De uma alma em brasa,
Inerente ingratidão
Do que se reprime e extravasa.

Porque vazio não é mais que franqueza
Nada pode ser real no que sinto,
Resta a mesma fraqueza
Que me silencia quando minto.

Meu alimento,
Em tempos de guerra aberta.
Meu alento,
Quando o monstro desperta.

Silêncio, eco profundo...
De um sonho defunto.

Sem rumo...

Sorriso

O teu sorriso parece-me tão real como a parte imaginária de uma vida negra e sem refúgios. A parte que eu gosto, a parte que eu não quero que me fuja.
Quando tudo soa a falso são estas pequenas coisas que nos fazem pensar que sempre vale a pena ficar por cá mais uns tempos. Nem que seja para as saborear apenas mais uma vez.

Se soubesses como meu mundo se tem vindo a tornar pequeno e abafado! Claustrofóbico! Esta realidade tem vindo a fechar as poucas janelas que ainda estavam semi-abertas. E as cortinas que não deixam passar a luz... Ou se calhar nem sequer há luz lá fora... A verdade é que nem sequer tentei ainda espreitar... Tenho tanto medo do que vou ver... Tenho tanto medo que seja ainda pior que todos estes pesadelos que tenho noite após noite... Começo a gostar mais deles que de mim...
Já não tenho dias para viver... Eles estão lá... Eu é que já não!

Está tudo a mudar tão repentinamente que já não sei mais o que fazer! Eu sei que não queres que mude. Eu também não! Não sei porque vejo tudo tão negro! Gostava de te explicar porque é que (só) gosto de mim assim...

Circulação

Enfrento os dias como se fossem noites... Dormindo nas esquinas, lambendo traços de chuva por entre as grades do cemitério, fugindo do sol como da cruz.
A minha sonolência é esférica. Tudo o que vejo, tudo o que sinto, tudo o que ouço, tudo o que cheiro... Tudo isso vai sempre dar ao mesmo: Tenho sono!
A vida cansa-me! Embala-me! Chateia-me!

Desperdiço as noites como se fossem dias... E no entanto... Parecem-me tão mais largas e compridas...
Noites de vida pura e corpos em brasa... Noites de fogo com morte à espreita! Julguei ver algo que nunca esteve lá... Fui eu que o criei...

Fui eu, fui eu... Já o disse... FUI EU!