Oh look... It's raining!

Intermission

2010-04-16T22:10:00.003+01:00

I feel exhausted. This world exhausts me.I'm hiding behind a curtain painted with the wrong colours and I'm so tired of the "should have been(s)" that never were.Nothing matters anyway, does it?The clock is ticking and no time really goes by in this black and white movie - static, frozen.A rigid script that you think you can change without knowing how wrong you are!I have to give up pretending

2010-03-12T19:17:00.002Z

Coming back to a part of me that I abandoned long ago... it brings with it an awkward feeling of misplaced sense of self.

2007-05-15T12:13:00.000+01:00

Sleep... forever...We cried togetherLived the partOf lovers apartMeaning without a causeCall it a questionTreat the past as airJust as fairMy lie....Leave it all to die...

2006-11-19T20:10:00.000Z

Turn to face the door as it was open. Tried not to worry about what had been said and done.I can't turn back the clock, my friend! I can't turn it back to the old days when we were what we wanted to be...Can't fake it! Such an illusion.The room with mirrors and the doll at the window.Rested in peace as I layed down at your feet.Reminding me of the past and the trees in the backyard.Your trust and

Never

2006-11-13T23:29:00.000Z

This is the side of me you'll never knowThe one you should let go.That one you should care about... but you don't.Let me go, leave me to the night...

Untitled

2006-11-05T10:53:00.000Z

Cities rise on my fingers when darkness sets.Empires risen on sand of dead generations.Blisters with the taste of bliss.Dead as I am no one can be... And yet they live as such!No soul, no pity, no mercy... no one!

2006-08-29T09:56:00.000+01:00

It was that room. That road I forgot how to walk, the one I don't even recall remembering. The beauty of it all seemed to astound me.But only for a moment they were all fragments of me, a historical figment, a past in the wild.Now they were here to haunt me.I was alone in that royal peace, a humble servant of your pleasure.Believed in carols for you whispered them.And as days turned into nights I

2006-08-17T22:19:00.000+01:00

I was alone in that royal peace, a humble servant of your pleasure.Believed in carols for you whispered them.And as days turned into nights I felt as a queen.

One of these mornings

2006-08-16T22:37:00.000+01:00

" One of these mornings Won't be very long They will look for me And I'll be gone "To think I'm still hereAs though our time has never been pastTo believe in it as a mereReflection of a life that's been gone fast.Fast as the beating of my heart,Busy as the people on these streets.One of these mornings...They'll wake up to find me gone...Despite of all the warnings...I'll be here no

whom

2006-07-13T11:57:00.000+01:00

I would rather die than face life with the eyes of your indifference.Such an incoherence in your voice speaks louder than your thoughts.As if the world is to end in flatulence.But then again... who are you?The emptiness is there and you don't see it! And there's nothing more I can do!

something that you should know

2006-06-29T23:51:00.000+01:00

A beutifull poem. Not mine but worthy of mentioning. Hope you like it too."my secretsappear on your windowwhen you fog the divisionwith your own warm breath; you lost yourself in their presence,in your search forcheekbones on sunflowersand night bladesby the moon's chin.impatience hummed your fears, and the absence you cherishedquickly dissolved.the only way to know is to

Grounded

2006-06-28T11:28:00.000+01:00

She says without you I'll loose ground... That's what she says... But I, I'm not quite sure!She said it would be fun without you... That's what she said... And I, I was sure... We were wrong!She will say that I'll be better off by myself... That's what I think she will say... And of that I will be sure... For I've always been alone!

Too Deep

2006-06-25T22:03:00.000+01:00

When it touches too deep there is no way out.No way, no roads, nothing I couldn't live without!Empty spaces are filled with utopia,disturbed only by the peacefullness of void resolutionsAnd there is no way out. No absolutions!Harder and harder to stay away!I just wanted to know how to pray.And I want to fly, fly, fly...Fly so far away from this fire that burns with me!Fly, fly, fly... oh why?But

2006-06-24T19:52:00.000+01:00

And so I stand here... Waiting...Waiting for the clock to turn... And for the flowers to burn...Waiting for my life...In the edge of the knife...I unlocked the door for you,and the light went through.This image got out of my headAs a nightmare with a led.

Illusions

2006-05-22T22:45:00.000+01:00

I see all this but it can't touch me. It's an illusion...It seems like we're drawing ourselves on some sort of canvas. A water painting... Slowly fading....The more I try to rationalize the less I perceive. That's just how it is!They tell me I have to live in reality. I hate their reality... For it is so different from mine!In my hands I hold the key to freedom. Why am I so afraid to use it? Why

Blindness

2006-04-17T12:52:00.000+01:00

Blindness is truth... and I... I can't see...I can't see I'm falling!!

Testimonial

2006-04-17T12:35:00.000+01:00

"The bleakness of the landscape is unimaginable. It is as friendless and alien as a Dali painting. Ordinary concerns, such as work or friends, have no place here. Futility muffles thought; time elongates cruelly. Who is to blame for this situation? Those with depression think it must be them. Pointlessness and self-loathing govern them. So the natural final step is suicide. People with

Revolting News

2006-04-12T13:52:00.000+01:00

I know this is not the regular stuff I put in my blog but it was really a revolting situation in my country that I had to post! I hope you don't let something like this happen in your country!Responsible for a caring center in Setúbal (Portugal) used inflicted phisical punishmentsThe Supreme Court's decision concerning abuse to children with mental retardations is "preoccupying and revolting"

Love Letter

2006-04-11T12:11:00.000+01:00

You know this ain't a love letter.The ink is flowing out the paper as tears that I never shed. Irony in senses as a wild splash. I glanced at each of you everytime my cristal eye broke. Still no shame and no hunger... No blame, no anger!Touched me and I saw the light... Burnt in the sun! A king without dignity, a realm of pain, once a merciful servant...No more!! Never more!!And so I hide... from

My old friend

2006-02-28T00:50:00.000Z

My old friend comes to mewhen he's lonely.My lonesome friend finds me...himself... Solely!He thinks I'm crazy, my crazy friend.To my birth he tries to attend!A new friend now I have... So much likemy oldest friend! So wrong done! And said!But not so easily laid!

2006-02-26T23:03:00.000Z

Let me dream forever with a world of mine... I'm getting tired of this one... Wouldn't it be fair? Couldn't we find peace of mind in our own way?A world with a mind in the hands of mindless beings! It's so unfair!I still can't believe my soul needs a body to endure. For I feel them so distinct and so apart! Is it possible for them to be as one if they possess such opposite needs?We are all but

Nothing

2006-02-15T04:10:00.000Z

Some find peace... Some are frantic... Are you sure this means something?

Bug

2006-02-15T03:52:00.000Z

I thought I saw a bug... It's here...Buzzing in my mind... Bzz Bzz Bzz.... About the wicked ways of the world...Skeptical order runs this caos... Ignorance would be bliss as for poison doesn't work any more...Rats, rats all over, chewing my bed! Can't fall awake anymore!Rimes and it can't leave me alone... I'm so alone...If I pull this trigger would it happen? Or is it just a dream? Hurts to try.

Plane

2006-02-15T03:46:00.000Z

I think of you...I do...When you're gone.This wound of glass magnifies the pain...Breaks away the rain...Head thrown in fury of weird thoughtsby this coincidence...Hiding in magnificence.I bite the days as they were rubber done,Trying not to fall asleep...For when the night comesI know that my slumber is gone...I would try to explain...But it's still too plain!

Simple Things

2006-02-04T20:13:00.000Z

I like simple things...Absent minded details that will always come our ways, simple feelings that hurt too deep, simple thoughts of simple questions for which the answer is simply obvious!Oh simple things don't always come to this rather complicated mind!

Understand

2006-02-01T19:43:00.000Z

You can't understand me...You can't understand that it is not about surviving. It's about feeling! Hard enough to not know exactly where it hurts! So completely that it becames the whole of you!How thin is the dark line that separates love from obsession?When will you understand that you have been blind? How come you are so worried about turning on the light that I forgot to unravel? It is the

Dream

2006-02-01T19:09:00.000Z

I woke up today with this dream in my head. A dream I dreamt in another life.Lonely as always I reached out for you in my bed as if I didn't know I wasn't suppose to find you there.It made me angry and desperate!In my vision you were resigning yourself to death before my own eyes and I was unable to move... As though it was meant to be! As if you had won in your search for holiness!But the pain

Obvious

2006-01-15T23:40:00.000Z

How dare you take loneliness away from me? Who are you to disturb my peaceful realm and take away my calmness? I was my own queen until you came!You made me loose conscience again, float away in the sea of bright nights... You know how I hate them! How I hate light!This concise pain... Strict, absolute... Obsolete!So, don't go right now, stay a while... Stay with me until I'm strong again!Love is

Clarification

2006-01-14T04:35:00.000Z

It's not just darkness in my soulIt's mostly absence of light

The End...

2006-01-12T00:15:00.000Z

Linked to sorrow I'll never heal.Ignorance, inconsistence, betrayal.. hate and pain... The bliss of the undead!A storie to be told, always the begining... It ended like this... Can't you see?I ended... It ended... Like this...It ended in me!! Like me!!And I was never me!!

Desejo

2006-01-10T01:50:00.000Z

Amo-te porque és sagrado, perfeito...Amo-te por todas as curvas sublimesQue posso desenhar em teu peito...Amo teus olhos loucos e firmes!Amo teus requintes de génio...Amo teus caprichos de criança...Amo tua indiferente segurança!Amo teu pensamento idóneo,Amo teu sorriso de demónio...Amo tudo o que és e eu quero ser,Amo-te por tudo o que não me deixas ver!Amo-te... Nada mais...Amo teus instintos

Inverno

2006-01-10T01:31:00.000Z

A chuva que cai lá fora,Como se para onde ir não tivesse,Entra como se porta não houvesse,E depressa se vai embora.Anjos caídos do céu em brasa,Ardem no barro frio do chão,Demónio... De tentação...A minha alma... A tua casa...Choro húmido e lânguido.Eco em mim como gritos de lavaDe um vulcão que só eu sonhava.Julgam-me sem juiz ou arguido!Não te vás doce inverno,Dilacera minha alma...Corta-me em

Cansaço

2006-01-10T00:24:00.000Z

O vento lá fora geme e soluçaPela gente que se arrasta nas ruas...Correntes de uma existência atrasada,O peso da alma é tanto que arrasa!Pudera eu encontrar o caminho para casa!Vagueio por ruelas de vida degradada,Carreiros (que só eu conheço) de casas nuas,Terra morta... Em sapatos de camurça...Terei que ficar por aqui... menos mal...Parece que o cansaço me venceu afinal!

Feelings in an envelope

2006-01-09T23:53:00.000Z

Words are just words... And I will not say them no more... I chose my silence as I hold the anger inside...Hatred... Indifferent letters that altogether mean too much! It should be no more than phonetics... Oh but it is not! It really is more! And that is what bothers me...Oh Dreams, they die when they ought to be forgotten! Will you not leave me soon enough? There is no point in all of this

Promise

2006-01-06T01:24:00.000Z

I've been this lonely since I was a little girl. I always had lots of friends around me but my house was always empty. Like I was...I created you to fill that gap that existed between me and my other selves. You were the only one who could reach me... You existed as long as I wanted... And when you would leave you wouldn't care to say goodbye...I would spend hours and hours whispering stories to

Felt it...

2006-01-05T23:56:00.000Z

Felt it inside like a bullet...It penetrated my skin as if it wasn't even there at all. My veins blasted with the impact. I was in shock.Yesterday I could tell the difference... I could believe... Now it's just confusing images of it in my head!I don't own my mind anymore, though it's hard to tell how it got away!

Eco

2005-12-26T20:18:00.000Z

Silêncio, eco profundo...De uma palavra imprevista.Ingénua fusão do mundoCom a realidade restritaO eterno mito...Do suspiro que se evita...E depois a escuridãoDe uma alma em brasa,Inerente ingratidãoDo que se reprime e extravasa.Porque vazio não é mais que franquezaNada pode ser real no que sinto,Resta a mesma fraquezaQue me silencia quando minto.Meu alimento,Em tempos de guerra aberta.Meu alento

Sorriso

2005-12-19T23:19:00.000Z

O teu sorriso parece-me tão real como a parte imaginária de uma vida negra e sem refúgios. A parte que eu gosto, a parte que eu não quero que me fuja.Quando tudo soa a falso são estas pequenas coisas que nos fazem pensar que sempre vale a pena ficar por cá mais uns tempos. Nem que seja para as saborear apenas mais uma vez.Se soubesses como meu mundo se tem vindo a tornar pequeno e abafado!

Circulação

2005-12-12T12:14:00.000Z

Enfrento os dias como se fossem noites... Dormindo nas esquinas, lambendo traços de chuva por entre as grades do cemitério, fugindo do sol como da cruz.A minha sonolência é esférica. Tudo o que vejo, tudo o que sinto, tudo o que ouço, tudo o que cheiro... Tudo isso vai sempre dar ao mesmo: Tenho sono!A vida cansa-me! Embala-me! Chateia-me!Desperdiço as noites como se fossem dias... E no entanto..

Long time no see

2005-11-24T18:41:00.000Z

It's been a long time. I haven't seen youYou come 'round here no moreSo many years that I can't be sureWich one of us parted, and which was blue.The house is empty, the rooms are cold.These walls surround me without a breathDevious laughter feels like it's so oldSmoke hides pain in a wreath.Did you feel me this away?Or did you not wanted to say?Words you meant you didn't say!I took the dog

Seven Deadly Sins :: by Martha Dawig ::

2005-11-23T03:05:00.000Z

Comments by ~blackeri ..Or if you prefer: Pride - Mother of all sins.First one of the, duh, Seven Deadly Sins serie."Vanity is an excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise." symbolism?It's all pretty obvious but I will explain some stuff which inspired me, to sound

Seven Deadly Sins :: by Martha Dawig ::

2005-11-23T02:13:00.000Z

Comments by ~blackeri"Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work" This is the fifth from the Seven Deadly Sins series. Symbolism: - She is sitting on a swing and blowing bubbles: it's a symbol of wasting your time on insignificant things; idleness - She is placed above the ground, in the sky: symbol of being separated from Earth and mundane htings (like work etc) - Feathers: to me they

Serenade

2005-11-02T20:15:00.000Z

Hear my pain Those notes on my head Let them take you to me For I'm not afraid of being her Hear the sorrow The rage Bathe with me in these deep waters For I'm not afraid of being you

Indulgence

2005-11-02T19:52:00.000Z

I can't count all the ways I've been fooling myself running against the bedroom window. I used to find some self compassion somewhere deep in a sense of me that was in some way something more than a mere illusion.Now it's just this, a mirror of tastes and smells. Refined aromas in the air. Livid faces and partitures so gentle to the touch that I wonder where I got them from.In an instant it

Daydreaming

2005-10-05T19:55:00.000+01:00

There is something I can't trust in it anyway... No matter what I'll have to do before I'm gone I'm going to heal it anyhow... What an annoying feeling of torture! I just close my eyes and for a moment I'm really there! Where the fun is, and all the good things yet to try. Where thougth no longer invades fantasy and sorrow is nothing but an humilliating past. To dream about it

About to...

2005-10-04T01:12:00.000+01:00

Hope You can't see my decay...For I have perished in better feelings!Stand beside me as I pray,In worse nightmares than healings.Putridity within this naked soul,With boredom as its sole completion...Came together with a goalToo predicted to be an addiction.Obsession I said... No more!Your posession... My lore!Please defeat my sleep with corrosionSo I would die in You with illusion!

Deamons

2005-09-22T02:40:00.000+01:00

As the silent voices crept over the wood ceiling he could not sleep. He wanted to make them stop, he did... But they just kept humming and humming in his head until he could hear them no more.Not a conscious soul was alive in that room, not even him. 'Honestly, I can't really compromise this reality thing by changing the subject of my controverse existence', he thought with the dull excitment of

Seven Deadly Sins :: by Martha Dawig ::

2005-09-21T19:46:00.000+01:00

Comments by ~blackeri"Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body." The theme: As you can see, from my Lust sketch I have only kept the pose, but totally changed the face. I think that this one fits the topic better.I see Lust as being concentrated on yourself, being "drowned in your own world" kind of way, rather than seducting and being "flirty"(and this look was used in

God Forsaken Soul

2005-09-21T03:25:00.000+01:00

Are we dead already? I guess we're now decomposing...Walking along these roads again I see nothing but desperate souls waiting for death final redemption. Though we strive along as rats hungered in the coldness of the hardest desert, we don't seem to be more alive than they do.We pray for a savior...We cannot save ourselves... We cannot trust ouserlves...We don't need a savior alike us...We

Seven Deadly Sins :: by Martha Dawig ::

2005-08-21T22:37:00.000+01:00

Comments by ~blackeri"Greed, also called Avarice or Covetousness, is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual"Well, here's one more guys

"Saudade"

2005-08-20T17:18:00.000+01:00

Today I found myself listening to soul music and watching out my bedroom window at an hilariously bright summer day without even a glance of guilt in my mind.Everytime I think how none of this ever made sense I can't help but to laugh inside.Finally I stopped feeling weak. but I don't feel strong either. I wonder if this is okay... Not feeling "not so good" for a little while.Went downstairs for

Seven Deadly Sins :: by Marta Dawig ::

2005-08-16T01:22:00.000+01:00

Comments by ~blackeri The theme: Second of the Seven Deadly Sins serie. "Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, orsituation" Personally I think envy means much more than just a wish to have something someone else has. To me, it means also ACTING AGAINST that person, "revenging" in a way, trying to take the "object of our desire" away from them, or backstabbing them in some

Sigh!!

2005-08-16T01:08:00.000+01:00

I strived only for freedom... Still you couldn't let me go!

Charade

2005-08-16T00:55:00.000+01:00

Oh the charade! It never ended! Oh but we had fun!Silent painful melodies echoed into the darkest night. The puppets' strings were pulled... Back and forth... Back and forth...We went round and round and round... Till our senses were no more and the sadistic seasickness was all there was to be!Lust and darkness and rubber dolls.You always felt me beside you even when you were gone. And you were

Mirroir of Dreams

2005-08-16T00:02:00.000+01:00

The mirror was slashed by a wrong side of me, my spirit in trance by all the chaotic visions of endearment. I seldom like what I see...In its cutting pieces I saw such butchery and such horror one could just imagine.Oh God this images!! How I wish I could silent them away with the next break of a new dawn.- "Dear, how can you be so utterly sad?"- "I just smile..."

Meanings

2005-08-10T03:01:00.000+01:00

Suddenly all things were detached from their souls. The fire burnt all over again.... Ought I understand why? ...Oh the pain and the ache were so strong it almost hurted to wash it away. And still I enjoyed it!... Ought I understand why? ... The life, the dreams, crushed against a wall of thorns. The drippy blood... My blood... So crimson red it killed the light!... Ought I understand why? ...

Aging

2005-08-09T02:38:00.000+01:00

I wanted to cry...An impassive silence would impose...Somehow...Was it so wrong to try?I mean... I was to come close...Anyhow...Better left than rightIf ahead is where you went...Raging...Wounded... So I might...Stick around and bent...Aging...

Nervous breakdown

2005-08-09T02:27:00.000+01:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWhat's the point in breaking down if no one seems to listen anyway?

Youngness

2005-08-09T02:10:00.000+01:00

There was always a certain delusion in his youth. As often as he cried his eyes wouldn't listen to the salty water in his cheeks.And as I went on he just smiled everytime I left and said no more than "Be back soon if you may".So the years passed and he just stood there with his everlasting inocence... In the half rain gentled by the queer blossom of some glint of pretensious light.One day I came

Those rays of light...

2005-08-09T01:43:00.000+01:00

Those rays of light were so scarce...The raindrops were just falling as though nothing could set them free of the cold.The hunger grew onto myself to finish what I had begun. But his will was far stronger and I gave up on me.Thought it was an angel coming out of the fog, all white and gently touched by only a sparkle of pain in its eyes.But then I learnt that daemons seldom cry for their long

Chained

2005-06-14T21:33:00.000+01:00

"My world keeps turning upside down and I can't break the chain"Gostaria de poder dizer que estou melhor.Contudo, apenas o simples facto de nada sentir é por si só um prenúncio de que nem tudo corre como desejado.Esta constante necessidade de o gritar ao vento vai desaparecendo aos poucos à medida que a vida segue seu rumo.Sinceramente... Não sei se prefiro o desespero à apatia...Se o desaparecer

Devaneio

2005-06-03T02:26:00.000+01:00

E se originalidade não é aquilo que me falta mas tão só o direito de a expressar?Dizem que tudo o que se perde algum dia volta ao seu lugar... Como se tivesse sido minha uma noite que fosse!Quando olho para trás só vejo o que não foi iluminado porque quando se acende a luz o encanto desaparece.Queria tanto o abandono que me esqueci de te perguntar se ainda te lembras do que fui...Garanto-te que

Estreia

2005-05-24T17:10:00.000+01:00

A estreia... Que cheiro a novo! O brilho da novidade, aproveitar enquanto se não é esquecido!E vós que querieis um elogio. E eu que nada mais tenho para vos dar a não ser palavras de insaciação. Por isso vos escrevo a sangue esperando inocentemente que mo perdoeis. Ou não seria o negro a minha cor, a cor da luta, a cor do desentendimento, a cor de um tédio neutro mas eficaz.Pensar que poderia

Medo

2005-05-01T17:25:00.000+01:00

Tenho medo. Tenho medo de te mostrar cortes tão profundos e devassos que penetram tão dentro.Flagelam mais que a carne…Vê lá tu que o fardo da paz já nem me parece assim tão funesto e inerte.Lembras-te de mim como me sonhaste? Talvez imagines tu também a ruína de ser parte de mim e um todo de ti.Tenho medo dos teu silêncios incontornáveis afectos de carinhos idosos como a vida.

2005-04-14T17:42:00.000+01:00

Por vezes tenho que encher o meu cérebro de ruído para deixar de presenciar teus lamentos.Candelabros ao vento, fumaça ao horizonte! Jubilai! Hoje estou por cá!Quisera contar histórias de outros ventos e perfumes e acabei por me perder numa das curvas. Em contrapartida agora apenas vivo em linha recta. Não sei se será optimismo… Talvez seja apenas a comitiva dos tão loucos quanto eu!Sonhara

Miracles

2005-04-08T17:14:00.000+01:00

When everything stings as failure always comes a north wind that recons we are good at it. I’m getting tired of relaxing in some bed of blooded thorns and never issue a complaint.So here it goes… Never mind... it would never end.I have to kill this thing I have in me before it destroys my humanity forever.I rose today with the strangest sense of peculiarity one can force before some cruelty

Winter is Leaving

2005-02-25T17:47:00.001Z

And so winter is leaving me. Sooner than I expected. Although I’m used to this ritual I go through every year, I never quite accept it as my life.Why do good things always leave me?The wind blowing, the rain falling, the ground flooding. Now it’s only in my head for another damned hell-pack of months.You see, it’s as odd as a cycle that never repeats itself. Well, not the same pattern, only the